American Society

My friend Carlos let me cheat on our SOCIAL STUDIES quiz last week using HIS answers...
Too Bad he got some shit WRONG!!
He's an IDIOT and filled in "TEACHERS" TWICE!
Because of CARLOS, I only got an 80%, I'm never using stupid cArlos's anwers AGAIN!

Katie

couldn't come to class last week, she told me she wasn't feeling good.






YEAH RIGHT FAKERRRR!!!!

HOly cow this building would've been awesome but it got cancelled

Cat

My friend Tyler found this cat:

Trevor

I've been running on the CROSS COUNTRY team all winter, but I'm NEVER gonna be as good at running as TREVOR!

HE'S the team CAPTAIN, and even though he doesn't talk to ME very much, I ALWAYS listen to him when he tells us about the best ways to run and WORK OUT and stuff.

Like how he told us to eat lots of CARBS the night before a race... I REALLY followed his advice and told my MOM she hadda make me a HIGH- CARB dinner last week before our race.

She's RETARDED though, and made a DISGUSTING dinner of PASTA with BEANS on it!
I didn't WANNA eat it, but I DID.

You PROBABLY think that I'm gonna tell about how I FARTED like KRAyzEe the next day and the TURBO BOOST from the FARTS help me run SUPER FAST and I WON the RACE and EVEN BEAT TREVOR!!!, but that's not what happened...

The next morning before my RACE, my DAD took my running shoes by ACCIDENT and wore 'em to WORK! I had NO CHOICE but to wear HIS sneakers and they FUCKING STANK but I HAD NO CHOICE!!!!

THEN, on the bus ride to the race, people on the bus started looking at me funny and i KNEW they could SMELL my DAD'S STINKY SHOES and then TREVOR said, "Yo Bort, your FEET FUCKING STINK LIKE BALONEY!!"

THEN everyone started LAUGHING and calling me BALONEY FEET!!! BALONEY FEET!!!!

THEN I STARTED FARTING FROM THE BEANS!!!!!

Skeeter

Hey I almost forgot to tell you!!

I was all sad and BORED all the time back in December b/c my Mom wouldn't let me use the COMPUTER, so my DAD felt SORRY for me and got me an AWESOME HORSE for Christmas!!

I named him SKEETER and we let him live in the garage with our turtles!

After a WEEK or so, it go real hard tryin' to take care of Skeeter. He kept SHITTING all over the garage and it costed Dad like $1000 bucks just to feed him and after only a couple days our whole apartment smell like a BARN.

So my Mom told me and my Dad we hadda get "RID of the piece of SHIT horse!" and we put and ad up on craigslist.

Some KID answered the ad in like an HOUR, and later that day some NERDY IDIOT named Scott came over to take Skeeter.

When Scott came near Skeeter to meet him, I whispered in Skeeter's ear "NOW Skeeter, NOW DO IT!! Bite off his PENIS!!"

He DIDN'T though. He just STOOD THERE like an IDIOT!

Diane

My parents' friend Diane is staying with us this week...she may SEEM weird, but she is FUN!!

See – Diane used to be PHIL, and was a married man with kids and and office job and everything and SUPER STRESSED OUT all the time until last year she realized that she was so stressed out b/c she was never MEANT to be a MAN at ALL!

THEN she went to Thailand and had her BALLS cut off and her penis REVERSED inside her so it became a sensitive HOLE like a vagina!

NOW Diane can finally RELAX...

And RELAX she does!!

Last night, after my parents went to sleep, Diane busted out a JOINT and axed me and my cousin Jorge if we wanted to SMOKE some GANJJJJJJJJ with her!

Of course we DID....but she didn't know we were ALREADY on ACID and planned to watch the Wizard of Oz while playing the Dark Side of the MOON album. I've done it before, and it REALLY FUCKING WORKS!!

Me and Jorge convinced Diane to smoke with us AND watch the movie, and at FIRST she was all, "This is BULLSHIT it doesn't synch up at all!" but when MONEY came on and it was all in FUCKING COLOR she got SUPER EXCITED and started singing ALONG!!!

Me and Jorge sang along too, and NONE of us knew the WORDS but it didn't MATTER!!!!

PARTY on Saturday!!

OH MAN!! Saturday night's party was STUPID!

My parents went out of TOWN this weekend so I invited EVERYONE over and ME, Mike, Jackie, and some other people ate Ecstasy and EVERYONE kept telling each other how much they FUCKING LOVED EACH OTHER and telling ME that TOO, but I was on the floor pretending I was deaf and retarded and I didn't CARE WHO loved me or whatever because I was pretending I couldn't hear them ANYWAY!

Then when I was moaning some retarded stuff on the floor and fake drooling, someone ran downstairs and told me that Andy was O.D.ing in my bathroom!

I ran up there and Andy was sitting behind my toilet jerking around like a REAL mentally challenged person and he was REALLY drooling...out of his NOSE!!!!

I told him that he COULDN'T O.D. behind my toilet and that he HADDA get the fuck outta my HOUSE and then I made him get up and walk out the door and down the street away from my house.

I think his friends came to pick him up later or something...

ANYWAY then I went back inside and we watched my Liquid Television videos and I tried to get Jodi to let me touch her BOOBS again but she FUCKING WOULDN'T!!!

Jermaine

My MOM is SO ANNOYING!!

SHE thinks that since she FINALLY let me use the COMPUTER again, she can just dump her CHORES on ME!

Like YESTERDAY, I had to BABYSIT Li'l JERMAINE while SHE went to the BEAUTY PARLOR to get her HAIR COIFFED!

Lil'J was sittin' on the couch eatin' his Saltines TRYIN' to TALK to ME and I TOLD him NOT to BOTHER ME but he KEPT askin' me to pretend I was OLD and DEAF and fall down on the floor and try and get up so's he could LAUGH and laugh.

I told him I COULDN'T cuz I was checkin' out my MYSPACE page and shit and he should just SHUTUP but he wouldn't!

He kept askin me and ASKIN' ME!

I wouldn't DO IT though!!

Instead, I got SUPER MAD and grabbed him and held him down and I put like FIFTY SALTINES in my MOUTH and then I chewed them RIGHT INTO HIS EAR!!!!