Neighbors

Some new FANCY people moved into that renovated building down the street from us...

I never thought I would get to see what their apartment looks like from the INSIDE, but Saturday night I was out walking my dog Indiana, and when I walked by I heard music coming from the building! I went over to the window to spy on the party, and can you even believe it?

I saw my friend Jackie in there!

I called her name, and she came over and was all,
"Bort!! Gettttttttttttttttt D R U N K!!!"

I went in and drank a SHITLOAD of whiskey with Jackie for a while and I was watchin' her LAUGH and LAUGH about her ex-BF, and THEN I saw those LORD of the RINGS action figures over on the BOOKSHELF!

I went over there and put Gollum humping Legolas while he blew Bilbo Baggins and I started moaning like how my PARENTS do....and I was ABOUT to leave Gollum in that position but then Jackie was all, "Yo BORT, the girl that lives here is WATCHIN' you DO that and she looks PISSED!"

I started PRETENDING that I was just earnestly ADMIRING those action figures, but it DIDN'T WORK and that fancy girl went up to her husband and she started sayin' how she wanted all these ASSHOLES OUTTA HERE!

SHIT!! I RAN and FILLED up my glass again with her SCOTCH and then I FARTED and VANISHED like HOUDINI!!!